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Diet Changes Lately. Maybe.

Hows everyones week going?! Mine has been good, cluttered but good. We've been half organizing the house-- but it's still mostly in that in-between shambles state and its driving me nuts. I don't function well in disorganization and clutter. Not at all. My stomach has been a bit of a mess-- but Marlowe's too-- so we're blaming it on Disney World food. Did I mention Disney World here? We went up to magic kingdom for Marlowe's birthday. Good time, yucky food. The next night both of us had some stomach complaints going on and it only got worse the next day. Marlowe also said her best friend came back from Disney World this week with a stomach bug and left school throwing up. I find that really curious. So the combo of it all has me in a rather emotional state. Overwhelmed and underwhelmed, but not terrible by any means. But anyway, yeah, my stomach is never great, but it functions well enough these days. Well enough by who's standards? I'm not really sure. For me, I mean, I'm happy because it's better than before-- but man, I want everything to function so much more. And I know I was just saying all this in yesterdays post-- but sometimes it really bums me out that I don't feel better. And this week has been one of those weeks where I've been focusing on that quite a bit. You know, emotions.

So I mentioned about a month or two ago that I was looking into making serious diet changes this season. I go back and forth a lot about whether or not I'll go through with it though. The biggest factors in my hesitancy seems to be comfort, habit, and convenience. I've been ever so slowly changing my diet, but have yet to go full force. Sometimes I think, "This change will be fine will be great. This will be beneficial and make me feel wonderful."  But then sometimes, like when I get home from France for instance, I think "but maybe I should just drink wine again and keep going with how I'm feeling now. It'll all be fine." And maybe it all will be fine, but like I said, I don't want to feel fine. I feel fine about feeling fine up until I stop and think: BUT I WANT TO FEEL GREAT.

So what am I thinking about? What more could I possibly change in my diet? Well, I'm thinking about transitioning into a full on fruitarian. At least for a few months. Just to see how it goes. It certainly won't hurt. Fruit and vegetables can obviously give you all the nutrition you need and more-- the only thing I really have to lose is the comfort of my current food habits and feelings. I love warm food-- it gives me this nourishing feeling like no other. I fear I won't feel completely nourished with all raw and cold food. But I don't know. I think like anything else it might just be a matter of breaking the habit of embracing change and finding comfort in new things. Like when I thought there was no way I could give up cheese 10 years ago. Or how the idea of veganism was completely ludicrous to me 15 years ago. But here I am 10 years later without ANY desire to ever eat cheese again. That comfort feeling-- that craving for it-- it's gone.  And I know, I'm 100% certain that my body is healthier without it. So how do I know that this can't be the way my future looks with raw food? The reality is that I don't know. Not until I try it. I've been reading A LOT about it. Trying to mindfully process how my body will process everything. Trying to look into the science of it and whats the proper way to do it-- because believe it or not there are apparently ten million different ways to be a raw vegan. And right now, I'm leaning towards the high carb, low fat way. I in no way want to cut out fats completely-- I love coconut and avocados waaaaaaayyy too much, but I want to eat fats at the right times-- properly combining them with the right foods. I used to have intense sugar rushes and drops-- even fruit sugar-- but I've been playing around with it-- and the science behind the low fat thing seems to be right. As long as I haven't consumed any fat before loading up on fruits I don't have the highs or the drops. My body feels stable. My body feels good with the fruit! So I just try to keep my fat intake towards the end of the day after I've consumed most of my fruit and take it from there.

Anyway, I don't want to babble too much about this stuff right now (unless you guys really want me to of course). But the plan for now is to try to eat completely raw vegan for as much of the day as I can. And then have lighter cooked meals towards the end of the day when I can't put up with chewing or drinking another raw vegetable. Just slowly transition into it all. Alex actually says he's willing to try it all out for a while too. And for Marlowe? Well, I'm working on adding more raw vegan meals into her diet, but I don't have plans of having her joining the raw vegan wagon completely. She'll still be vegan, duh. But not completely raw. It'll be much harder to convince a six (!!) year old to eat a raw kale salad-- so for her, I'd rather have her eat cooked greens than no greens (of course!). We have been focusing on more appropriate food combining for her though. Which really doesn't mean that much for her except that now I don't let her snack on raw fruit throughout the day. The rule for miss Marlowe is she can have as much fruit as her heart desires until she eats cooked food. After she eats cooked food, no more raw fruit for the day. Pretty simple right? If she wants to eat 40 mangoes, fine, but she's gotta do it in the morning pre-cooked food. 60 bananas? Have at it, girly. When she's had her fruit / raw fill-- we're back to regular well-rounded cooked meals until the end of the day. Wake up doing it all over again. We've been doing this for the past two months or so and with the exception of a small travel bug, this has been really great for her gut. She hasn't had any bloating or gas pain (which she used to have a bit of) and she's healthier than ever. Knock on wood-- but she def. hasn't caught as many bugs (or any actually) this school year at all. Basically the same diet, just slightly tweaked schedule I guess you could say.

So yeah, the biggest thing around here is always making sure we get more than enough calories (I'm no longer in my grossly thin post c. diff body. My post c. diff jeans are actually tight now, hooray!) and making sure we're combining food properly. We always eat well rounded-- so there's no issues there. Now I'm just trying to change the way I look at my meals. I still want big, veggie filled plates of food-- but I'm training myself to find comfort in raw food. To find health and new life in vibrant, unheated vegetables. For me, this is pretty big. Never did I think I would feel like I needed to eat raw vegan--- not longer than a two week cleanse anyway. But now, I think it's time. I have nothing to lose. And I just want to feel better. I expect to have icky detox symptoms (I did when I tested it out a few months ago), but I hope to have long term affects. The worst thing that happens is that I don't feel better-- and I go back to how I eat now. I guess the question right now is 'when'. When is the right time? When will I be emotionally ready? I know I just need to pick a time and start. And I guess for the transition I'm looking at it the same way I looked at my transition into veganism: with zero pressure. I'm sure there will be times where I'm not perfect. Times when I opt for tacos or wine or whatever. And that's okay. Really, I'm totally okay with it-- but I do want to try to do this as fully as I physically and emotionally can.. Even if I can manage a 80% daily change, I'm super happy.

If you guys are interested I'm totally happy to document more of the process and what I eat and whatever else a long the way.  Just let me know. I'm going to journal it for myself. I know I already had to knock off nuts from my can eat list in the past few months. Corn is still on the fence. I have to see what my body really thrives on. What makes me feel best and worst and go from there.

Oh and on the books I've been reading-- THIS is the one that most inspired me. While the title is super focused on crohns and colitis, the reality is the diet is for someone with ANY illness. It's no secret that food is the primary cause to most illness-- that genetics are really only 10% cause of disease. We all hold the gun, diet pulls the trigger. I'm a great example to how diet and drugs can make or break you. But I really hope to be a great example of something better... of more 'food healing'. I hope I hope I hope. Also, to be completely honest, the authors views can be a bit intense, but I really found the whole book fascinating. A lot of parts on health and sickness really spoke to me. My body is still constantly giving me warning signs that there is still a problem that needs to be addressed (random fevers, inflamed painful gums, random body aches from time to time on top of the whole random stomach turnovers)-- and I'm ready to fully (okay, mostly) address it (maybe). I'm not holding myself to it. And it might take me months to really transition, but I'm certainly going to try!

Wish me luck. xoxo

Just For Me

I hate to type this, but it's been one year and six months since hospitalization and I still feel 'okay' at best. I wish I could say I feel 'great' everyday, but thats not quite my reality yet. Keyword yet. I'm still hoping and working everyday to feel amazing. I hope to one day get there. For now, I'll take 'okay' because it's still better than 'crummy' or 'terrible' or whatever icky feelings I had before. There has been a few upsides to getting sick and fighting to get better though. Like, it's for sure given me a new outlook on a lot of things. That's always a plus. It's good to open up our minds and change how we view the world. Even in less than ideal situations, we benefit from new outlooks, thats for sure. The other upside is that it's helped me to refocus my focus. I've learned (and I'm still learning) to put me first. That's not to say that everything and everyone else goes out the window-- because that's certainly not the case. But now I've learned to be okay and embrace tiny (or big) actions to care for myself. Like, 'yes, I will rest for 15 minutes, just because my body says it needs it'.

I like to get semi regular massages now. Take longer showers. Take the extra few minutes to skin brush and self massage post-shower. I like to take care of myself. Well, I always have liked to--- but I actually do it now, unlike before. I wish I had always taken the extra time for me time. I wish I had taken the extra steps to care for my body and what I eat and how I sleep and everything else-- BEFORE. Of course it was hard when I was raising Marlowe by myself-- but still. Even before Marlowe, I had difficulties really caring for myself like I should. So motherhood is really  no excuse. I didn't care for myself how I should, but thats okay. Everything in life is a lesson. And I guess for me, sickness came with the lesson that I am important. My health, my sleep, my diet, all of that really matters. No one else is going to worry about me, like I have to worry about me. And now I've learned to focus on it.

I think I mentioned it, but I had myself a little spa day at The Breakers not too long ago. Marlowe has been asking to do an overnight here for quite some time (it's where Alex works), but we still haven't done it yet. And sure, I felt a bit of guilt going without miss Marlowe, but I happily said yes when OSEA asked if I wanted to take a minute to have a spa day for myself and try out their products in spa--and not just at home. I love love their products at home-- (vegan, natural, eco-friendly!)-- but it was amazing experiencing the treatment in spa! I've sent my mom to the spa at The Breakers before-- and I've had a gift certificate and treatments booked in the past but for health or lack of a sitter or whatever else, I always postponed. I'm working very hard (and often failing) on not postponing or canceling all the me-times and actually going through with them. And I'm glad I didn't skip out on this either.

The spa is beautiful. I'm pretty much up to date on a lot of the happenings at The Breakers thanks to Alex, haha. Restaurant changes, busy seasons, and renovations. And I had heard a lot about all the renovations the spa underwent recently. Well, it was definitely beautiful. White, clean, relaxing  on the inside and breezy and full of blues and greens and palm tree love outside. And I just love it SO much when spa's offer good quality products. Too often I've seen places promote "natural spas" but they have chemical filled products and junk-- but that's 100% not the case for The Breakers. The whole OSEA line is so amazing and refreshing. And I didn't have to think twice about how natural the treatment actually was :) And I love a good body scrub. There's something therapeutic in sloughing off the old stuff to make more room for new growth, isn't there?!

Post body scrub + masque + scalp massage + hair masque magic. HI. 

The whole hotel is super vegan friendly. For everyone-- not just because I sleep next to one of the chefs, haha ;) There were a few vegan options and gluten free options too. All the restaurants at the hotel offers them. And if you don't see what you're looking for on the menu, you can ask! Then someone like Alex ;) will whip up something magical. "Did you know the flowers you can eat that they put on top of the food is grown in the garden there?! Daddy told me that!" -Marlowe

I got a hummus plate, the most amazing tomato salad and a citrus detox juice. oh and coffee-- because I'm still drinking that again. nom.

I regret not getting the Sea Vitamin Boost-- look how pretty that bright pink bottle is!

You know, I actually debated staying post-treatment, should I go home now? Or should I lay outside in the sunshine? I debate everything. A mental pro-con list kind of person everyday. The answer is simple, I should obviously take the time to myself. But I think it will always be in my nature to debate. I think we all sot of feel that way. Or most of us anyway. I guess I'm okay with debating, as long as most of the time I say "yes to me" first.

My goal everyday is to raise Marlowe the best I can. To keep my home and family happy. And to feel as best as I can-- emotional and physically. I want to feel good. Not okay, but great. To be honest, I think I'm doing a great job working on it and reminding myself it may not be a quick process. But as long as I'm trying and working on myself too, things are good.

Things are good.

A huge thank you to Osea for giving me the opportunity to try out your amazing natural + vegan spa treatment at The Breakers. It was the best.

ps. for whatever reason blogger isn't letting me comment on my own posts. I'm sure it's super temporary (though annoying.) my jumper from my last france post is THIS one, my drop crotch pants are sold out <3

Happy 6th Birthday, Marlowe

Happy 6th birthday Marlowe.

You are a gem. Truly one of a kind. You are unlike any one I've ever met before. Different in all the best ways. Not one mean bone in your body. Only goodness in your soul. Dreams bigger than the ocean. And sweetness that explodes out of you with every word, smile, and action you make.

I thank the universe everyday to have such a powerful little being by my side. You've changed my life and my world. You've made me a better person just by being. I hope you always know how truly amazing you are.

I hope to forever travel with you by my side. I hope to help you learn, grow, and not only embrace, but use, every bit of that positive energy you have. To explore with you, adventure with you, to take in everything this world has to offer. I look forward to continuing to learn from you and with you, to grow from you and with you. The best gift. Thank you for being you.

I love you, booger. Forever and ever. More than pizza. You are everything.

photo by Celia D. Luna on our last trip to Guatemala